Entries from December 2016 ↓

2017 Predictions

Looks like 2016 was my most successful annual predictions yet. After all, the “body positive” movement did make fat the new skinny, and the great Pastafarian schism will continue to affect us all for generations.

However, my most prescient call was Trump winning the election. Not even Nate Silver saw that one coming. So here we go looking what is to come in 2017:

  1. The left-leaning media will not convince Donald Trump to resign the presidency by continually calling him a Nazi, but that will not stop them from trying.
  2. Orange will be the new tan.
  3. The left will continue to condemn corporate interests but applaud when the corporations Facebook, Twitter, and Google become the final arbiters in determining what is “fake news” and what is not.
  4. The left will not figure out that the answer to racism is not more racism.
  5. Republicans will stop being friendly to Russia when Putin release damaging information about them or Trump. At exactly that instant, Putin will find new friends in the Democrats.
  6. Having won his first Oscar in 2016, Leonardo DiCaprio will finally take on his dream role, Third Wise Man in the Yorkville Baptist Elementary School Christmas pageant.
  7. Ken Bone will take over as lead singer on the Rolling Stones summer tour.
  8. Love will Trump hate and prove it by a continuing wave of hoax hate crimes.
  9. Miley Cyrus will sue the maker of SmartWater after discovering that it does not make you smarter.
  10. Vanilla Ice will get a traffic ticket after coming to a full and complete “Stop,” but failing to “Collaborate” or “Listen.”