Entries from December 2005 ↓

2006 Predictions

So once again my predictions for the last year were off. Although I would say I did about as well as Sylvia Browne who makes predictions for a living – most of which don’t happen (Hussein dying before his trial began? Not).

Of course inaccurate predications never stop any fake seer worth his salt from making more. So here are my predictions for 2006.

1. Pink will become the new pink. The number 5 will be the new 9.

2. Moveon.org will claim that all citizens are entitled to iPods. Democrats will submit a bill to subsidize iPod purchases for the homeless. The homeless will then use their iPods as hammers to fix the wobbly wheels on their shopping carts.

3. PETA will continue to kill 80% of the animals it receives while claiming to advocate for animal rights. (I guess that means they have the right to be killed in the backs of vans and thrown into garbage dumpsters.)

4. Church critics will be appalled that Pope Benedict XVI continues to be catholic.

5. Democrats will continue to be appalled that George W. Bush wants to nominate conservative leaning judges to the Courts. (I know, some of these predictions are like shooting fish in a barrel).

6. A pharmaceutical company will find a cure for cancer. The previously undiscovered side effect that the drug increases flatulence will allow lawyers to sue the company into bankruptcy while claiming they are protecting consumers from the increased threat of global warning.

7. Michael Jackson will leave the music business and invest heavily in movie theaters. He will henceforth be known as “the King of Popcorn”?.

8. Google will index everything in your house. Activists will complain about invasions of privacy, but most people will cheer when they learn you can google “car keys” and find you left them in the den.

9. Iran will be eliminated in the first round of the soccer World Cup after loosing all its games to Mexico, Portugal, and Angola. Iran will call on all Muslim countries to attack Israel after blaming the losses on a Zionist conspiracy.

10. Another country will win the soccer World Cup. Americans won’t notice.

Florida isn’t the “show me” state

A Florida teenager who flew to Iraq without his parents knowledge is headed back to the U.S. He apparently wanted to see the Iraqi elections firsthand.

According to the AP, the teenager recently studied immersion journalism and wanted to see what the Iraqi’s are living through. If you haven’t heard of “immersion journalism”, that is where you learn about journalism by having all of your common sense removed. Apparently he was an excellent student.

Then again, he is a teenager. Common sense is removed from kids at about age 12 before being returned randomly sometime after 20.

At least they weren’t criminals

Susanne Ostraff was taken hostage in Iraq by terrorists. The German government paid a ransom to free her. Her take on her captors? “I was so happy to know that I had not fallen into the hands of criminals,”

So let’s get this right. She thinks the goons who kidnapped her aren’t criminals. Okaaayyy.

Saddam didn’t do it?

I think there is a special place in hell for mass murders. I think that place has an adjoining room for the lawyers who defend their attrocities.

Christmas in Las Cruces

Merry Christmas!

 

Another nephew

My sister-in-law and her husband welcomed their second son into the world today. Happy birthday Tyler John.

Now here’s a corny idea*

The high cost of natural gas is encouraging people to look for other ways to heat their homes. One Colorado company is cashing in by selling stoves that burn shelled corn. The corn is about half the cost of natural gas and it burns so clean there are no restrictions on burning it.Now that is cool.

You know they say that the U.S. is the Saudi Arabia of corn.

*(I know that is a horrible pun. Please don’t report me to the blog police.)