My predictions for 2011 were unusually off the mark, but that never stops a charlatan from making more.
Hence, my predictions for 2012:
1. A reinterpretation of the Mayan calender will reveal the world will not actually end in December 2012. Rather, that is the Mayan prediction of the start of a new hit series on NBC. The Mayans were really into Dramedey.
2. I will be offered a $10 million publishing contract, but I will not accept it because I refuse the publishers demand to change the lead character from a bearded district attorney battling city corruption into a clean-shaven district attorney battling city corruption. My artistic integrity will not allow me to make a revision that will alter the entire feel of the narrative. Come on, beards are in right now.
3. I’m hungry.
4. You will soon find an item you have misplaced. (This should be sufficiently vague to ensure at least one win in the prediction game).
5. Steve Jobs will not die in 2012.
6. Some famous Hollywood actor will die in 2012. (Shocking, I know).
7. Tim Tebow will continue to be more reviled for praying where other people can see, than other football players are for raping women where other people don’t see it.
8. George Lucas will release yet another revision to the original Star Wars trilogy, this time adding a CGI bikini to Chewbacca.
9. Political activism and sports entertainment will collide when the famed basketball team changes its name to “The Harlem Globalwarming Trotters.”
10. Barack Obama will be a one term president.