2006 Predictions

So once again my predictions for the last year were off. Although I would say I did about as well as Sylvia Browne who makes predictions for a living – most of which don’t happen (Hussein dying before his trial began? Not).

Of course inaccurate predications never stop any fake seer worth his salt from making more. So here are my predictions for 2006.

1. Pink will become the new pink. The number 5 will be the new 9.

2. Moveon.org will claim that all citizens are entitled to iPods. Democrats will submit a bill to subsidize iPod purchases for the homeless. The homeless will then use their iPods as hammers to fix the wobbly wheels on their shopping carts.

3. PETA will continue to kill 80% of the animals it receives while claiming to advocate for animal rights. (I guess that means they have the right to be killed in the backs of vans and thrown into garbage dumpsters.)

4. Church critics will be appalled that Pope Benedict XVI continues to be catholic.

5. Democrats will continue to be appalled that George W. Bush wants to nominate conservative leaning judges to the Courts. (I know, some of these predictions are like shooting fish in a barrel).

6. A pharmaceutical company will find a cure for cancer. The previously undiscovered side effect that the drug increases flatulence will allow lawyers to sue the company into bankruptcy while claiming they are protecting consumers from the increased threat of global warning.

7. Michael Jackson will leave the music business and invest heavily in movie theaters. He will henceforth be known as “the King of Popcorn”?.

8. Google will index everything in your house. Activists will complain about invasions of privacy, but most people will cheer when they learn you can google “car keys” and find you left them in the den.

9. Iran will be eliminated in the first round of the soccer World Cup after loosing all its games to Mexico, Portugal, and Angola. Iran will call on all Muslim countries to attack Israel after blaming the losses on a Zionist conspiracy.

10. Another country will win the soccer World Cup. Americans won’t notice.