2009 Predictions

It seems that my powers of prognostication fell short of the mark with my 2008 predictions. Instead of admit defeat, I am just going to follow the lead of other “psychics” in the prediction business by dismissing these seemingly apparent failures as simply the inability of the unenlightened minds of others to grasp my brilliance. In other words, I wasn’t wrong, you just don’t understand how I was right.

So without further ado, here are my nine predictions for 2009:

1. President Bush will leave office after the end of his second term in January. The fringe left will continue to exercise their uninterrupted right to free speech and claim to celebrate the end of “tyranny.”

2. Barack Obama will serve six months of his elected term as President before resigning in order to compete on the TV show “Dancing with the Stars”. He will make it to the semi-finals before being voted off the show and will lose to eventual winner Danny DeVito.

3. The zombie invasion will finally be launched from the Midwest and will explain why dead people have been voting in Chicago for so long (sleeper cells).

4. My family and I won’t move to Las Cruces, New Mexico (this one is an attempt at reverse psychology – let’s hope my string of failed predictions holds).

5. Water polo will be the new basketball.

6. Media will continue to be amazed over Catholics who actually hold Catholic beliefs and sympathize with former Catholics who don’t.

7. Twitter will be the new Google. Google with be the new Walmart.

8. ‘A little chubby’ will be the new thin.

9. Global cooling will be viewed as more proof of global warming.