The Yahoo! upcoming movies site has an Internet poll asking which Paramount movie readers would like to see remade following the example of The Stepford Wives and The Manchurian Candidate. One of the choices is The Ten Commandments (leading the voting as I write this).
Unless Mel Gibson is involved, I would be worried that the movie would be changed. What would that planning meeting look like?
Studio Head: OK, let’s do The Ten Commandments.
Producer: Yeah, but The Ten Commandments movie was made in the 1960’s, what with its commandments and good guys and bad guys. We need to update it for a “sophisticated” modern audience that isn’t blinded by religion.
Writer: You’re right. We’ve got another problem. The Israelites can’t be slaves to the Egyptians, that’s anti-Arab and so “BC”. How about Palestinians trying to flee evil Israeli occupation?
Studio Head: I think you’re on to something. Maybe we can get Michael Moore to star as Moses the Palestinian.
Writer: That’s so sexist, why does Moses have to be a man?
Producer: How about Rosie O’Donnell? We can make it a comedy. Madonna can appear as Pharoah…I mean the Israeli Prime Minister – she’s into Kaballah right?
Producer: There is still the problem with the Ten Commandments.
Writer: Well, everyone knows the commandments are really metaphors for ten reasons not to re-elect George Bush.
Producer: You’re right. But where in the movie can we get Charlize Theron to take off her top?